How Divorce Changes a Man?

Life’s a cocktail of emotions¹ and experiences; what makes it better is to tag along with someone for the rest of your life and soak in each day. That’s the whole point of marriage. Marriage is a concoction of everything bitter and sweet, but it takes two individuals to make it work.

Fleeting emotional state and behavioural aspects contribute to the question- How does divorce change a man? Society’s age-old paradigm of a perfect marriage is on the verge of breaking all ground rules. The question is, what exactly has changed? The mindset, wavering commitment and, indeed, the lifestyle. Above all, financial independence dominates all.

Varied interests and opinions don’t align among couples. Conflicting preferences over having kids or moving to countries for high-paying jobs.

1. Divorce Statistics

The statistical figures on divorce rates indicate that divorce is slowly pacing towards normalization. The globally updated census data expands the list of countries with the most and the fewest divorce cases and reveals the concluding reasons for divorce.

• Maldives tops the list for its highest divorce rate from 2020-2023. With 2984 divorces registered out of a population of 540,544, the Maldives has a divorce rate 5.52 per 1000 inhabitants. 

• Sri Lanka records the lowest divorce rate, with 0.15 divorces per 1,000 people in 2023.

• Australia’s crude divorce rate suggests 2.2 divorces per 1,000 residents in 2021. As determined by AIFS, the total number of divorces granted in 2021 was 56,244, the highest number recorded since 1976.

2. Common Factors Behind Divorce

2.1. COVID Phase

In countries like Australia, there was a surge in divorce during the COVID period. Trend points shed light on why fewer couples are getting married now. Going back in time, more than 11,000 couples married yearly before the pandemic.

2.2. Harassment and Domestic Violence

Love, trust, and caring are the foundations of a marriage; violence and fear² are not. Any partnership based on mutual respect and trust should never condone domestic abuse. Getting a divorce is a requirement to live in a secure environment.

Anyone can experience divorce following domestic abuse. Intimate relationship abuse leads to divorce for both men and women. Control, as well as verbal, physical, emotional, and financial abuse, are examples of domestic violence.

The countries with the most minor divorce cases come from a grim and conservative arena. This carries the stringent taboos attached to divorce. Surprisingly, African countries like Zimbabwe’s recent record shows an increase of 0.07%. Hence, divergence from the ongoing practices of domestic violence and harassment of all sorts.

2.3. Lack of Family Support

For most of us, it is our family we rely upon. The ones making our dull days better and happy days even happier. The unfortunate cases of marriage are where parents go against it. 

The rift you experience if your family disapproves of your marriage or your spouse may exacerbate feelings of loneliness and isolation³ as well as a sense of loss over lost relationships.

Your family might disregard your partner, minimize them, or advise you to “keep your options open.” This strain may be too much for you and your spouse to handle, leading you to consider filing for divorce.

2.4. Infidelity

Infidelity and adultery are serious problems that plague many long-term romantic partnerships and are commonly mentioned as the leading causes of divorce. Sexual relations between two individuals who are married to one another but not to one another is known as adultery. 

The term “infidelity” refers to having sex with someone outside of a marriage and indicates that one love partner has broken rules or expectations about emotional or physical intimacy. 

The most common reason given for divorce is infidelity, which also doubles the chance that a couple will file for divorce. Eleven to fifteen per cent of women and twenty-two to twenty-five per cent of married men have extramarital affairs.

2.5. Substance Abuse

A significant contributing reason to divorce cited is that at least one partner indicated substance misuse. It is seen in a majority of failed relationships, substance abuse being the main culprit. 

The seriousness of the spouse’s substance misuse issue was either downplayed over time or the efforts to address the issue via seeking assistance went in vain with no positive results. As seen in multiple cases, the attempts to resolve the issue eventually led to terminating the marriage.

3. Female Earnings and Divorce Rates in Australia

Several studies, not all at the aggregate level, have shown a statistical causal relationship between women’s income and divorce. However, relatively little literature examines the possible simultaneity of these variables. Research is also rare in countries other than the United States and the United Kingdom. 

Researchers like Bruce Phillips and William Griffiths argue, based on Australian data, that the increase in women’s incomes has partly contributed to the rise in divorce rates over the last four decades.

4. When the Next Big Step is Divorce

When years of disagreement and patch-up make reality worse than a nightmare, you know it’s time. The signs indicating divorce can begin with a slight change in tone or discord. Ultimately, it encourages increments of misconducting patterns that eliminate chances of restarting things better. 

Know how the basics of a relationship, when compromised, can lead to all of these mentioned below:

• Marriages change people. It’s more of a transformative phase; a change of habits, a shift in perspective, and an alteration of routine will likely happen. What’s important is how much the body gravitates towards the man you are becoming. Indeed, starting a new lifestyle and welcoming changes happen in continuity only if you honestly acknowledge what you are transforming into.

• Humans are undoubtedly social animals that transmit and receive energy. Our tendency to identify energies makes us unique in every sense. If you are never at peace in his/her company, this is not meant for you.

• A sense of detachment does not just happen overnight. In sheer ignorance, one often loses count of the hints dropping right before him. Sometimes, it takes years to acknowledge the disrespectful shunting and abuse as a convincing reason to divorce.

• The relationship dynamics work on mutual respect and trust. Good days make you, but bad days define you. The recurrence of both happens in phases, but the element of certainty in the behavioural aspect is often compromised. That’s when most cases of verbal abuse surface. This can sometimes lead to physical abuse.

• Unresolved conflicts and communication gaps deprecate the essence of companionship. People over-feeding one’s ego and wanting to be critical sabotage the equilibrium of a long-term relationship. It’s a sign of an impending divorce.

5. How Divorce Changes a Man?

Masculine emotions can run in extremes. By this, I intend to say either the man becomes vocal or withholds a cry. The body and mind go through stages of major emotional upheavals.

The answer to how divorce changes a man can be vast yet differ from person to person. Here are some of the most commonly perceived traits that a divorced man experiences.

5.1. Pangs of Anxiety

These days, people notice even the slightest of changes through social media. For instance, disclosing marital status as “divorced” invites a loath of sympathy, and whatnot feels even worse. Constant reminders in any form shudder the body.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder develops in some divorced men. Emotional vulnerability fetches involuntary anxiety and nightmares. Fathoming the reasons for the trigger is the first step in understanding your psychological needs. 

5.2. Depreciated Self-Worth

A sense of self-doubt emerges that crumbles a man’s self-confidence. Everything comes down to you being not good enough for anything or anyone. A man’s social life comes to a pause. He withdraws from the world and starts living in his head more often.

5.3 Substance Abuse

Divorce affects men in the ugliest ways. A man’s social life comes to a halt. In child custody, dealing with allegations and obligations to pay alimony, a man is crushed under a heap of responsibilities. 

The worst a man can do is resort to substance abuse⁴. The absence of emotional support and financial stress lay the foreground for addictions. Most often, this generates an outburst of anger and acute health conditions.

5.4 Seeking for Validation

The common tendency, post-divorce, is to jump into a new relationship instantly. Instead of being a go-getter, implement slowing down. Exhausted by all means, a bruised heart can’t better someone else’s life. 

The extravagant ways of living a life don’t last long. It’s like starting all over again, only to repeat the cycle of comfort, defiance and trauma⁵. 

5.5. Withholding Grudge

A decision to divorce changes a man, for better or worse. The divorce process has its grungy phases. Typically aggravated and irrational, a man unveils colours of contempt initially, which can turn into a never-ending tussle. 

At the end of it all, harassment of any form is never the best way to pay back. The understanding that none of us are owned by anyone. Holistically, if love doesn’t liberate you but confiscates your rights, you better let that go.

Inhale the bad days as much as you can. Feel every emotion, every twitch in your body. One thing is to accept the fact that this feeling is not permanent. Feeling this is a step towards consciously not becoming the person that you are now. The right influence and advice can break you free in moments like these. The takeaway here is to feel and not feed oneself with negativity.

5.6. Suicidal Traits

As often witnessed, life after divorce can turn into a series of emotional breakdowns. Lack of intimacy and purpose, undergoing emotional turmoil, and loss of respect are the aftermath leading to suicidal traits in men.

A relationship failure somehow questions the so-called masculinity. All of a sudden, the ego is at stake. It’s a battle in which man fights against worldly expectations. All of this poses a risk to men’s mental health and physical well-being.

Marriages bring more positive change for men. To illustrate this, men love power, honour, and the social connections that come with them. Marriage collapsing altogether deteriorates these factors, which directly proves detrimental to a man’s mental health. 

6. How To Discard Negativity For A Better Outlook To Life

It takes a million little steps to get life back in place. Losing a life or a relationship crumbles down one’s confidence. Most of the motivation is gone from waking up next to someone to making dinner just for yourself. 

Thinking positively does not imply ignoring the unpleasant things that happen in life. Positive thinking entails viewing unfavourable situations in a more constructive and upbeat light. You anticipate the best rather than the worst.

6.1. Seek Professional Help

When there’s nothing better to suggest, “keep yourself busy” is the most overheard recommendation. It doesn’t help until and unless you have a workplace or a social life that’s equally friendly and interactive. Days turn into nights, and memories continue to blare in your head. Ultimately, it all comes down to a craving for some emotional support.

That’s when therapy sessions play a part in provoking your trauma to speak out loud. It gives you the space to be unfiltered and be heard of. Dealt by professionals, therapy exterminates the chances of  judgments and personal attacks. 

Also, when the mind isn’t sane, it demands an external force to intervene and interrupt the negative flow of emotions. Understanding that things, not as you manifested for, might happen. However, reflecting on things in hindsight will make you realize this was meant to be.

6.2. Journaling

Life will continue, and so will the people around you. It’s a chaotic mess, and everyone’s busy doing jobs that could feed them. Practically, there’s a certain extent to which even close friends can be emotionally available to you. 

How well can you tackle the days overburdened by thoughts that need to spurt out? Journaling has helped people outgrow their feelings of hopelessness. It’s like a one-to-one conversation with a diary, outpouring every grave incident and sentiment.

Journaling is a reflection of you. Hence, reflecting and intersecting your emotions with precision helps to confront the blurred realities of life—the answer to your every “What went wrong here?”

6.3. Support Groups

Sometimes, beyond family and friends, joining support groups is what it may take for a divorce recovery. The coming of people from distinct backgrounds and tormenting incidents makes space for empathy.

Besides, chances are you may be talking about a zillion things with your gang but not about what’s bothering you. That’s why you need social groups—not because you don’t have people, but because everyone’s not capable of having raw conversations. 

Coincidentally, you may encounter someone with a past similar to yours. Examining others’ coping mechanisms is a step closer to a new life. Social groups, let alone themselves, can reinstate a man’s social life and self-esteem.

6.4. Establish Security with Your Children

Divorce is a life-altering decision directly affecting the children’s well-being. Amidst the hatred and chaos, they are left with choosing sides. Adjusting changing dynamics with acceptance is an undulating experience.

It is a sudden throw-off from childhood, in a timeline when kids of their age are nurtured. The situation calls for open conversations involving the exchange of advice from one another. You never know what sensible thing they might say next.

Tune in with them. Show consistency in showering love. Read to them. Furthermore, make plans and spend quality time. Give assurance and patiently help them get through this. Accompany them to school/college and prepare them for their best and worst days. Show yourself interest. More importantly, listen to what they have to say. If the situation allows, make family plans to distract them from the new family configuration. 

6.5. Marriage: Not the Only Door to Happiness

Humans are exposed to a world that is always in a rush but delved into loneliness. A rush for the next ample opportunity, a rush to compete, a rush to find a partner from a pool of options.

The perception that marriage is the end goal for a blissful life ahead is a myth to be busted. The need to marry remains a longstanding debate that continues to be in question, precisely by Generation Alpha. 

Ultimately, we realize that societal expectations leave us broken and fitting the bill doesn’t make sense anymore. Not to mention, marriage is a matter of preference and not a customary regulation.

6.6. Future Relationships

If a future with someone makes you happy again, never sabotage it. Your past cannot be a hallmark defining your character. However, the foundation of a new relationship must commence with rectifying past mistakes and not repeating them. 

7. Dating a Divorced Man

The post-divorce period transitions a man. Re-evaluating his priorities, assets, financial status and responsibilities. Romanticism takes a backseat while caution, clarity and practicality come into play.

The question is, what does it take to get a divorced man to date again? Indeed, a partner whose personality traits aren’t identical to his ex-spouse. Also, an alliance that reaffirms his trust in companionship and love again. That special someone who can make him interested again after a failed marriage with a rotten past behind him. The desire to give it a shot yet again. 

The tips for dating a divorced man are laid out for you below:

• First, you don’t have to engage in long-term plans. For most of us, the problem begins with us taking life often too seriously. Every relationship doesn’t always receive a reasonable conclusion; by the same token, there’s a possibility of this converting into marriage as well. Life is nothing but a movie with open-ended endings. You have to see where it is taking you.

• Drawing comparisons with his ex-wife is like scrutinizing your position as a potential partner. It can trigger certain emotions you don’t want to witness in him.

• Fun, candid talks and impromptu dates are about it. A relationship opens doors to experiencing things they would otherwise have missed out on. The fun times reveal the interests.

• Open conversations about anything and everything are often gratifying. This alone prevents mistrust from seeping in between you.

• Eventually, you should know that the newness and the butterfly effect will die. When trust and respect embody a relationship’s foundation, it’s unbreakable. A life-long team ready to witness every shortcoming of life.

• Prioritize personal and professional goals. Also, if he’s a man with kids, it might take more empathy on your part. Divorced status doesn’t ultimately end the years-long affiliation. It’s the loose ends that suffer. Later, these become the testing times in a relationship.

8. In a Nutshell

Turning away from the road, it was not meant to travel anymore. That’s what defines the essence of divorce: acquaintances to friends, friends to lovers, lovers to strangers, a crude, raw, and heartbreaking journey.

Two people coming together involves a shift in priorities and bringing change in personal space. Drifting apart demands even more. It’s like restarting singlehood all over again. 

For better things to happen, a chapter needs to end for a beginning. In the play of life, everyone has a role to play. Every character’s entry and exit are destined. For every new entry, there has to be someone’s exit, too. For as long as you live by this theory, life will welcome you with a new hello.

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4. Giovannoni, Jeanne M., and Rosina M. Becerra. “Defining child abuse.” (1979). ↩︎
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